Let’s Talk It Over

Talk

N I’m really defeated this time around
That I don’t know what to say,
Defeated by life, defeated by you
Hope you’ll return someday.

I’m sorry to have hurt you
To have spoken those dreaded words
Please answer back I really miss you
We’re one in two separate worlds..

Your presence still lingers around the house,
I’m still loving you inside my mind
I ain’t perfect like you but still hope you’ll love me-
‘Coz I know true love is blind

You’re still my only best friend
N I’ll always be your crazy lover
N my love for you will never die
Come back home, let’s talk it over…

I can hear the vacant bedside calling
The sheets dying to be wrinkled.
The distant starts seem to be sad too
‘Coz they don’t shine the way they twinkled

The sheets and pillows still smell our sweat
Still soaked with the expressions of our love-
I can’t let go and I want more
‘Coz I haven’t had enough..

Up above in the night sky
Like my guiding star you hover
We’ve played enough now come down baby
C’mon let’s talk it over.

God knows what I’d give to feel your touch
To feel you head laying down on my chest,
To hear you breathe while you sleep
To put your worried mind to rest.

I don’t wanna miss a moment
So I’ll watch you over while you sleep,
N I swear on my life you can trust me honey
I’ll be the place for you secrets to keep.

So won’t you come back to me precious, it’s getting late
It’s time we go under cover-
Let’s forgive and love again
C’mon let’s talk it over..

I Ain’t A Liar

I Ain't a Liar

You said you were here to stay
That you’ll be by my side come the judgement day
But you couldn’t hold on to your words, for better or worse
Made me feel like this love was more of a curse..

Still I stood through
Waited for you
Hoping someday you’ll realize
The love and longing in these eyes
Holding on to the memories
That seemed more like a pack of lies.

And so this heart burns-
Like an old house on fire
But unlike what you think of me
I ain’t a liar..

These eyes bleed, and turn to stone
As I stand here waiting, all alone.
With the setting sun, my desperation’s rising higher
Just wanna let you know-
I ain’t a liar.

What about all the songs
You said you’d sing to me
The sights that we were gonna see,
The times that were meant-
Just for you and me
The stories we had to share,
Do you even care?

‘Coz you go on
Don’t even look back,
Leaving behind just the broken pieces-of my castle of glass
Turning me into a wreck.

My bedside kept calling for you to lay
But you didn’t come to my dismay,
I never meant no harm
You fell for petty strangers and their foolish charms.

And so this heart burns
Like and old house on fire
But unlike what you think of me
I ain’t a liar.

These eyes bleed and turn to stone
As I stand here waiting, all alone
With the setting sun, my desperation’s rising higher
You’d never admit but I know-
I ain’t a liar..

 

Photograph-@sisodia.pankaj

My Ballad of Love

My Ballad of Love

Sunk in my chair
Wondering what to do
Thought I’d write
But all I can think of is you
Trying to find some words
I decide to change the view

So I turn my chair the other way round
Now I can see outside my window
From the sky to the ground
The picture in my eyes leaves me spellbound

Nor heaven or hell has been at peace tonight
Seems like the gods are up for a fight
In this dark, mysterious land-
Hey…!! I call out..someone throw me a light.

Could someone tell me
What’s going on
Why is it raining in holy March
Why do the winters seem to go on and on…??

The clouds seem dark and laden with rain
Like a broken heart oozing with pain
Thunder they strike every now and then
The way hell struck me-dunno how and when

I keep standing alone underneath these skies
Trying to make out, the truth from the lies
The truth that’ll lead me
To your beautiful eyes.

The rain keeps falling
My tears keep rolling
Oh can’t you hear me baby
My heart is calling..

Yes I need you
I need you baby
My mind is dead
My heartbeat’s crazy
I’ve got my words on the ledge
Just need a shove
Come and lend your voice baby
To my ballad of love

These words I think
I’ve got them to rhyme
Just like the two of us
They’ll get better with time

On this old paper
My words lie burning
Picking up new meanings
As my thoughts keep churning
In my lonely presence
I hear them yearning-
They yearn for music
They yearn for voice
All we can do is wait for you
Got no choice..

And so the rain keeps falling
My tears keep rolling
Oh can’t you hear me baby
My heart is calling..

Yes I need you-
I need you baby
My mind is dead
My heartbeat’s crazy

I’ve got my words on the ledge
Just need a shove
Come and lend your voice baby
To my ballad of love.

I’ve waited all my life
Will wait for one more
You’re the only one I’ll ever love
That’s one thing for sure

No matter if the sky falls down
Don’t care if the earth sinks in
I’ll wait by your house in my car
Hoping someday you’ll climb in
‘Coz my heart’s the place you reside
It’s where you’ve always been..

The lamp’s still burning
My head keeps on turning
Bruised words keep bleeding out
As I’m still hurting

And so the rain keeps falling
My tears keep rolling
Oh can’t you hear me baby
My heart is calling

Yes I need you-
I need you baby
My mind is dead
My heartbeat’s crazy

I’ve got my words on the ledge,
Just need a shove
Come and lend your voice baby
To MY BALLAD OF LOVE…..

 

Photograph-@sisodia.pankaj

Corner of The Earth

Corner of The Earth

As I stand at this Corner of The Earth
About to take the final leap
There’s A Turmoil going on in my head
A Thousand thoughts churning in
A million words waging war
All of ’em plead existence..

I need some clarity to see
Some clarity to believe.
Some clarity to feel
And courage to speak

But the question arises-
What do I do in such a situation,
When my world’s come at a dead halt
The clock is stuck
And I don’t know who’s at fault.

Standing at this Corner of The Earth-
I really wish that the earth wasn’t round
So that “someday”, I could just jump-off one of its corners
And lose myself into the vast nothingness where I can never be found.

I really wish that I had a hope,
That I had a way
Walking through which I could be happy and gay.

I must tell the world about my inconsolableness
For the fear that I might break down one day and there’d be no one to pick up the pieces.
What I really need is someone to pick up the pieces of my heart and save me from disregard.
What I really need is a presence by my side, day-n-night.
Arms where I could melt in when I’m in fright
A home that I could run to, no matter what the time.
Someone who’d assure me of my existence
And yield me with resistance.
Someone who could steal away my thoughts
And hear the words unsaid,
Touch me, and take away my breath.
Dry these tears and frighten away my fears
Whisper words of reason into my ears.

Standing at the Corner of The Earth
I dream of all this-
That “someday”, I won’t be alone
Be no longer, on my own.
But as I hit reality and wake up from my sleep,
I find myself and myself alone
For my secrets to keep!!…

Photograph-@sisodia.pankaj

Which One Is The Real One?

The Real One

There’s a dark side to all of us to which we all give up on some given days. Often there’s a battle raging inside, that seeks answers to the ever-germinating questions-about our real face.

Which one is the real one?

The brighter chirpy one who’s never kept anything inside-hidden from anyone or is it the darker one which no one knows, which no one has ever seen, not even in the hours of broad daylight. The time when even shadows are visible but the eyes of the people around can’t track down what’s right in front of their eyes.

What’s buried in the deep graves where hungry hearts, broken souls and all sorts of miseries lie in unrest without any peace, without any resent, without any expectations, without any celebrations.

To some, the brighter side is the more justified one and you feel that that’s what you need to be, that’s what the people like, that’s what they love and that’s where the journey of trying to be someone else begins when all you rather need to be is yourself.

Similarly, some people but very few can peep into the intricacies of the dark room. But, the ones who really do are the ones who relate to have felt the same pain, anxiety, fear, vulnerability, loneliness and frustration like you have; that’s another person that we often try to put ourselves in the shoes of.
But, if we really look around-rather take a look inside deep inside-we’ll find that the truth lies nowhere else but within. It’s only when we connect to the inner voice, that we realize-
that it’s no one else that we’ve got to be
that the dark and the bright aren’t parts of us, just some weird fragments of our own imagination;
that you are-“the real one”
in fact, you are the “one” that really exists…..


Photograph-@sisodia.pankaj

My Battle against Destiny

People say that you don’t have to be the way you are. You don’t have to fight yourself and subdue your free will all the time. Just to be better than what you are today, just to be perfect. What to do? May be someone can just tell them that I engage in these futile battles with myself because I feel I have not been who I was meant to be. It could be because things don’t go as planned or maybe I lacked in my attempts. So I fight, my battle against destiny.

I keep on running, faster my pace gets, but they keep on saying “you can’t stop destiny”. Which makes me think what if this truly is a scheme and all of it conspires. Because if it is, no matter where I go I’ll run into it.

But then once I read in a book that “life is full of miracles” and “You need to fight in pursuit of your dreams, aspirations, wishes. And once you overcome your defeats, in the silence of your hearts you know that. It’s just that you need to believe.”

And then again, I keep pushing myself and my boundaries all over again to change the course. Change from what was destined to what I feel is right. Maybe when I start feeling right in my shoes, I can be happier than I am. I can be better than I am right now. And if that happens, if my journey ends right, then that day I can proudly say to myself that the battles I fought were not futile and all that I lost and gave away was not in vain.

 

Photograph: https://www.instagram.com/my_wideaperture/

My Story Dressed in White

My Story Dressed In White

My story began when I laid my eyes on you
I saw your face
And I wished to see it till I could see.

I wanted to close my eyes and slumber into sleep
And see when I wake up
Your eyes watching me

And in the dreams
I want to follow you wherever you go.
Be a wallflower,
But be a part of whatever you do.

I want to see you
See you when you sway in white
Probably that’s how the wind would dance
If it were alive

See you give meaning to those colors
Flowers fail to show
And when in black
You’d make the night your foe

See you bring life to the words
Whose meanings only the poet would know
See your face in the night sky
When I look out my window

Be blinded by your light
When I turn out the glow
See you lay down beside me
When there’s nowhere left to go

See you dance the way you would
When my heartbeat would be the only rhythm you know

I want to hear you-
In the song in my head
In the words left unsaid
The hour of rain
In times of pain
In the stories you tell
And the version you sell

I want to breathe you-
In every breath
From this moment onward, till my very last.

I want to breathe in your fragrance,
When you’re wet out of shower
When you’re dressed to kill
And in the midnight hour.

I wish to sleep with your smell
When you’ll be away
With your taste in the back of my mouth
I’ll still dream to kiss your face away

And when I tell you about your secrets
I want to see you turn to red
When I fall asleep
I want you to be the last thing in my head

Sharing Dreams

Sharing Dreams

Hey…..Yes you
You’re the one I’m talking to
Do you know what it feels to be me
Are you the one who’ll put me through

My best friend or an enemy
I don’t know what you are to me
That look in your eyes and your timely stare
I can’t make out if you do or don’t care

‘Coz it’s been a while now
Since you’ve been playing with me
Since you walked into my life
And captured all my dreams

So I just wanna know darling
Do you feel the same way
Am I the one you’re dreamin’ of
Have I blown your mind away

I’m right here every night
Lying in my old worn bed
My room’s dark and there ain’t no light
I sleep like I’m dead
I’m all alone the way it seems, but that ain’t true
‘Coz I’ve got you here with me
And we’re busy sharing dreams.

And it makes me wonder
Lights a question deep within
How did you get all over me
And underneath my skin

I never ever felt so crazy
Never felt so desperate
I never loved someone this way
You’ve got my heart under threat

So I just wanna know darlin’
Do you feel the same way
Am I the one you’re dreamin’ of
Have I blown your mind away

I’m right here every night
Lying in my old worn bed
My room’s dark and there ain’t no light
I sleep like I’m dead

I’m all alone the way it seems, but that ain’t true
‘Coz I’ve got you here with me
And we’re busy sharing dreams.

I cover myself with your beauty
Your memories are my sheets
You are my night fairy
My lullabies are your heartbeats

Sometimes we talk so much
And we talk so loud
I wear your love as my badge
It makes me feel so proud

Then there’s these times
When we don’t share a single word
You look at me and I look at you
The silence is all that’s heard

Still I feel so close and so cozy
As the dawn starts to set in
And makes the visual quite hazy
I feel my consciousness rising within

Ah..the morning, why does it come
Why does it have to end my dream
Nothing’s bright about the day
It simply makes me wanna scream

But I’ll be right here tonight
Lying in my old worn bed
My room will be dark and there won’t be no light
I’ll sleep like I’m dead

I’ll wait for you to come again
To put my soul to ease
Tell the world not to disturb
When we’ll be sharing dreams!!…

Would You Be My Poetry

Would You Be My Poetry

I’ve come to a point in my life
Where I need you by my side
My one and only delight
Girl I really miss you tonight

The very first time I saw you
You looked so fine
Dressed in black and a bit of pink
You were poetry in every line

To this poet you meant the world
I could see a world within your eyes
It was like the ocean inside a pearl
Like the lone truth in a world of lies

On that day I found my inspiration
For my next bit of artistry
But thought I’d better ask you out you beauty
Would You Be My Poetry

Your aura was like the morning
Your voice as sweet as the rain
Inside me new love was dawning
As you kissed away my pain

That was then and this is now
I still remember it like yesterday
When we talked for the first time
When I gave my heart away

And so I came to you
You were standing all solitary
When in a fearful voice I asked you
Would You Be My Poetry

Like the morning sunrise
Or a romantic sunset in time
You came to me as an angel
And became my most beautiful rhyme

I’ll go on to write about you forever
Till I find a place in history
But I’ll always ask you this question darling
Would You Be My Poetry..

Miracle Disease

Miracle Disease

Pondering back on my experiences, skimming through my vault of flashbacks my gaze fell on this little muddy pool of memories that was infected with a miracle disease, rather enchanting. Within no time I was drowning in the current as the emotional wave became too tough to ride…..

Being caught in a tumultuous phase of my life I found solace in my pain, my solitude, my disease. As it turned out to be-pain became the most comfortable emotion for me, my solitude became the best company I could have and my disease became my cure.

As I went through this baptism by fire my life finally emerged out of the smoke and I was able to see daylight again. Like the saying goes –  pictures change with perceptions, my perception began to evolve because of the new pictures I was seeing.

Eventually, the very space and mould I grew so comfortable in started feeling like shackles. Though I was not claustrophobic I felt like one, I felt suffocated, I felt like screaming as the walls closed in on me. I had to act. So I made a decision – to let go of the skin I had been living in for the last few years and start afresh, start naked…..

I must admit that the hunch I played seemed to pay-off well and it went on for another year or too. But somewhere down the line my conscience hadn’t completely accepted the new skin, there were scars that still remained and as a result of the conflict and agitation inside newer ones began to show and the older ones simply opened up. There were questions inside getting restless, wreaking havoc dying to meet their answers and so was I.

After endless bouts with sleeplessness and emptiness my thirst was quenched with the realization that what I had left behind wasn’t just my skin, it was my heart, it was my soul, it was my identity. Hence, after a period of synthetic illumination that kept me under a cloud, kept me away from the reality – that was darkness, I stepped into the real light that looked like the one inside of me as I became transparent. I saw the truth right in front of my eyes and realized, that if I were to live it would only be with that miracle disease that I had washed off myself like some malaise…!!